Double-entendre

Pop! Goes the something or other.

I woke up sporting my usual morning glory and rolled over to rub it against her back. Morning glories were our shared favourite flower and this was the way she liked to wake up.

“I’m always so horny in the morning,” she said drowsily. “Can you do something about it?” I leaned over and removed the Viking helmet she was wearing.

“There you go,” I said. “You really do choose some strange sleeping attire.”



“You were incredible last night” she murmured while stretching.

“That’s what she said!” I responded out of reflex.

She rolled her eyes and said “Really. I think I’m going to have trouble walking today, you really pounded me.”

It was true, I had given her quite the working over the previous night but she knew what she was getting into.
“You knew my reputation coming into this,” I said pointing at my wall of Twister championship trophies.

“Anyway,” I said grabbing her ass. “I’m just going to move this donkey out of the bedroom. He’s looking at me oddly.”

“Okay,” she said while rolling over. “Come back in here for a quicky though.”

I don’t know why she insisted on a game of speed chess each morning but I obliged because she always came first. And I liked that. I spent quite a bit of time looking at my pawn before she eventually came all over the board and won.

After breakfast we moved into the lounge room where I turned her around and started having my way with her from behind. This was a fun game we often played where she wore a blindfold and I moved her anywhere I wanted.

I took her shirt, jeans, bra and, finally, panties off. I was then able to sit down on the lounge. “I wish you would put your clothes in the wardrobe.”

“Yes! Yes, I’m getting close!” I cried.

“Not yet! Go down on me. I want you to go down on me,” she breathed.

I was never very good at scratching the itches she frequently had on her back and always became excited when I thought I was getting there. I usually focussed a bit too high though.

She slapped my wrist “You’re always trying to get into my pants!”

I looked up surprised. I didn’t think she had seen me but it was true, I really liked those pants and just wished they fit me. Yet, no amount of trying would get them past my hips.

I stopped trying to get into her pants and started playing with my cock. His name was Rufus and I was teaching him tricks. Sometimes it was annoying when he crowed in the morning but most of the time he was okay.

“Luke, I want you to split me in half!” She cried.

“You know I already have an assistant for that part of my magic routine,” I replied.

“Can you make me feel good with your mouth?” she asked.

“Cunning linguist?” I retorted.

“That one was pretty bad,” she laughed.


____

“I just want it in my mouth so badly,” she crooned.
She was on her knees and struggling with my zip. I had recently discovered that the safest place to keep my lollipops was in a pencil case.

I started playing with myself while I watched her scrabbling away at her arch nemesis, the zip. I really wanted to get better at chess and playing both sides gave me a good insight into the game.

“Let’s get dirty,” I said to her with a wink. We had a lot of gardening to do during the day and I knew she wasn’t looking forward to it.

“How about, instead, I put some cream on my thighs and you can lick it off?” she asked. I hesitated for a moment because I really did love her marinated chicken thighs.

“I’d much prefer to have you bent over while hammer away behind you,” I said. The garden really needed weeding and the patio had a few loose boards I had to nail down.

“God I love your tits,” I said. They were beautiful birds and pretty much had free range of the house.
“Your hooters aren’t bad either,” I said gesturing to her souvenir owl collection.

I sat back and looked at her snatch. She really was fast and the way she snatched the bothersome fly from the air was amazing.

“I think reverse cowgirl is my favourite,” she said. We had been discussing her aversion to rodeos and livestock and trying to think of the best label for her stance.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with this erection,” I said. She had built a large house of cards on the coffee table and I had no where to place my cup.

“I know where you can put that sausage though,” she said with a sly smile. She held out her hot dog bun which was all prepared with sauce and cheese.

___



“Oh god yes!” I cried. “lick my balls!” I watched as her tongue traced lines around the circumference of my balls. I had never cooked meatballs before and I was really enjoying watching her eat them.

“Oh Luke! This is making me so wet!” she was pointing to the water pistol I was occasionally shooting her with. “Oh sorry,” I said and put the plastic gun down.

“You’re making me hard,” I told my hairdresser who was getting a bit carried away with the hair gel and making my hair about as supple as brick. I still wasn’t sure about getting my hair done at dinner time like this but apparently I had made the appointment.

“God Luke!” she cried. “You are right, it is hard, and long too!” She was stroking my wand. “Mmmm” I breathed. “It’s so that when I do the magic tricks and tap things, the wand doesn’t bend”

I stroked her leg all the way up to the moist area at the top. She was a puppet builder and had a disembodied leg on the table, waiting for the glue to get tacky enough to affix.

I pulled out my member pushed it right into her face. I had recently started a website and it only had one member so I had printed his avatar to carry around in my wallet. I often proudly showed the picture around.

She continued to gnaw on my balls until she cried “Oh Luke I want you to cumin…” she giggled. “I mean, I want you to be cumin”. It was a game we played where we would roleplay as different herbs and spices. Last week she was rosemary and I was thyme.

“You’re making me hot,” she said and the hairdresser apologised and stopped aiming the hairdryer at her.

As I sat there playing with her nipples I asked her yet again why she insisted on drinking out of baby bottles during dinner.

“Luke I have a burning hole and I want you to fill it with your junk,” she gasped.

“Sure,” I said and began piling random odds and ends around the wall where flames had burned a hole.

“I think we should ejaculate,” I said. “This fire is too big.”

“Wait. What?” she said.

I said “Oh yeah that one was just stupid”.

____



“Yeah, slide down on it,” I said looking up at her. “Right down to the balls!”

“It’s too long,” she panted. “I could hurt myself.”

I had set up a waterslide in the backyard and it ran down the slope right into a plastic ball pit. So far she had been too scared to give it a go.

“Okay, okay. Why don’t you get Naked and come down here for some fun?” I said. “Hurry, I want to play with that ass.”

I had no idea why she had named her donkey, Naked, but we did have a lot of fun playing with it.

The day had been going great because I had fingered her for the first time the night before and from there we had moved into passionate intercourse. We were having an argument and through my flipping her the bird and the ensuing discussion, we were able to resolve matters quite nicely. Afterwards, we saw each other’s private parts, discussing things we hadn’t yet spoken about in our relationship.

“I can’t wait to get your meat in me,” she said coming down the hill with her donkey.

“I’m as ready as you are,” I said. “But it’s all still a bit underdone.” I turned the steaks and sausages on the barbecue.  “I’d love for you to play with my organ while you wait, though,” I said with a sly wink.

She got on her knees and started playing Fur Elise on the old pipe organ I had in the backyard.

“I can see the neighbours screwing!” I exclaimed with a laugh. “Look at them go! They’ll have that shelf up in no time.” The next door neighbours often left their curtains open. I always saw them screwing, nailing and banging.

She stopped playing with my organ, walked over and grabbed my dong.

“Whoah!” I cried. “Don’t lose those, they’re my only memento from Vietnam.”

“There’s all those photos you took while you were getting ‘happy ending’ massages,” she said angrily.

“You saw those?!” I questioned. “Come on, you know I relax more when someone is reading me a fairytale and I really liked their accents.”

“It’s time I gave you a good suck,” she said after we had eaten.

“It’s ‘sucker’ or ‘lollipop’,” I corrected.

“Oh that’s right. Sorry,” she said, embarrassed. “Would you like a blow job too?”

“Sure, that sounds great!” I said.

We were both habitual cocaine users and we shared preparation duties around. This time I was to cut it.

“I have a great idea,” I said. “We should both do a line, right as we come!”

“But we do that every day,” she said exasperated.

It was true, we did it every day right when we come from work.

“So, do you think I should go on the pill?” she asked.

“Maybe,” I replied. “But some people don’t handle ecstasy very well.”

“I can’t wait to get at those,” I said, pointing to her chest. “Can I get off on them?”

I was hanging from a ceiling beam and the chest of drawers seemed the best place to come down.

“Yes,” she said. “But can we have sex then?”

“Sure thing,” I replied.